Two suitcases

[This is another month-old write-up. Sorry for belated posting. ]

My life nowadays evolves around my two suitcases. I left Manila bringing only my two suitcases. It was tough choosing what to bring and leave behind. I miss my favorite things, especially my doggie stuffed toy and “bedmate” Butchok, my ever-loyal companion who never complained even if sometimes he stayed up all night listening to my tears, pains and questions especially right after the break-up. I miss my rubber shoes, notebook, Runes cards, books, CDs, and favorite brands of toiletries (those I cannot ever buy here).

Though it was hard leaving so many things behind, it was also quite a relief to be a able to travel light even if this is going to be a long trip. I have been to three countries—Singapore, Vietnam and Cambodia—in the past 8 weeks and all I carried with me are these two suitcases and it’s somehow very refreshing to start a new life without all the heavy baggages (literally and figuratively, I suppose). It may surprise my friends but I only have two pairs of sandals with me—I only packed one pair and the other pair was the one I wore on the way here. I only have one shoulder bag here. But don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I am giving up all those shoes and bags I left behind (hello, girl pa din ako ha! hihihi). Maybe I can still have them shipped to me here in the future… But right now, I feel ok even if I only have two pair of shoes and only one shoulder bag to use when going out. Oh, yes, I am still a normal girl (magpaka-totoo tayo, sisters, kasi kung may magsasabi sa inyo na hindi mahilig sa shoes and bags ay siguradong nagsisinungaling…hehe) who enjoys nice shoes and bags, but definitely, I am sure now that I can still have a great life even if my shoes and bags are no longer matched. ;>

I recently moved in to my new flat and it was also a new experience to be able to transfer to a new home with just two suitcases! I got so used to packing boxes and boxes of stuffs whenever I moved in Manila and it was really very exhausting. Oftentimes, it took me a week to just put everything in boxes. Now I needed a couple of hours only, perhaps even lesser. I feel ‘lighter’, and more grateful. Feelings that helped me think about how precious each little thing that we have is.

I think we got so used to accumulating things that we tend to take the value of things for granted. Now, since I miss my books and music so much, I have learned to appreciate more the moments when I was reading my books and touching their pages or listening to the words and melodies of my favorite songs. I will forever be buying books and CDs and maybe accumulate new things here in Cambodia or in the next country where I will live next, but definitely, I’d be more grateful now because I know that I should not allow moments to pass me by. A book read in the past remains in our hearts and even if the physical object is no longer there, the characters in that story will always be a part of our lives. Just like what I feel now. I don’t have my favorite books with me here but the memory of how the pages felt on my fingers will remain.

I am excited to decorate my new place but this time, I will also keep it in mind that I may have to leave this house, even this country also, at some point in the future and I may not be able to bring some of the things with me again. Some things I can bring with me but some things have to be left behind. There might be some more tug-of-war again as to what will be placed inside my two suitcases again or what will have to be thrown, sold or given away. But definitely, each little object will have more special meaning because by then, I’d be sure that I had taken a moment or two just to simply look at each one, happy with the thought that I can touch it and hold it and enjoy the simple pleasures it gives.

Now, my two suitcases lie empty under my new bed. The stuffs they carried 8 weeks ago are now in my closet. I look at them and pray for more courage. They represent what might be the most profound life-changing decision I have ever done in my entire life and sometimes I am still so scared but I am sure that I have gone this far because I have wings to fly. There will be bad weather along the way but I’d keep on flying, embraced with the thought that somewhere out there, Someone is looking after me.